How and Why I Quit Drinking
Don't look at the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it goes down smoothly: In the end, it bites like a snake, And poisons like a viper. Proverbs 23:31-32
Since I have enough experience (and success) with this topic to easily write a whole book about it, or even a series of books, this first web page about how to quit drinking is going to be a summary. I'll start off with a few basic ideas, and then expand on those, as I get the time for it...
I've gone thought a lot of different stages of drinking a little, drinking a lot, and not drinking at all. (And I like not drinking at all the best, by the way.) I've thought about drinking from very many different perspectives. Both of my parents were alcoholics at different times in my life. When I was around primary-school age, my mother's job was a psychiatric nurse in a drug and alcohol ward. Sometimes when there was nothing else to do with me and my brother (like in school holidays), we'd get taken there, and spend the day hanging out with the drug and alcohol patients. That was how I learned to play poker. As in five-card draw poker. Which was played with real money, but only small change — 20 cents would have been a large bet. Back in the days when there were still one and two-cent coins.
Why I Quit Drinking
Most of this page is going to be about how I quit drinking. Though the two questions are of course very closely related. And reasons why to quit are actually part of the method of how to quit. And vice versa. If you can gather together enough reasons why you don't want to drink, that's going to make you not want to drink as much — which is probably the biggest and most important part of how to quit drinking.
The short answer to "Why I quit drinking" is that I used to have a massive drinking problem, which began when I was 16, in the holidays between year 11 and year 12. And my physical health is still impaired from the damage I did to my body during my years of heavy drinking. You can read more about my early years of drinking here.
Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?
Those who stay long at the wine; Those who go to seek out mixed wine.
Don't look at the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it goes down smoothly: In the end, it bites like a snake, And poisons like a viper.
Your eyes will see strange things, And your mind will imagine confusing things.
Yes, you will be as he who lies down in the midst of the sea, Or as he who lies on top of the rigging: "They hit me, and I was not hurt; They beat me, and I don't feel it! When will I wake up? I can do it again. I can find another [drink]."
If You Want to Quit Drinking
If you're someone who wants to quit drinking, or cut back on it a lot, and have found that to be difficult of impossible — the main thing to remember is that you don't have to ever stop trying to stop. Even if you haven't yet been able to stop (or cut down on how much you drink), as long as you want to stop, then nothing can make you stop trying to stop. Keep trying and don't be concerned about any previous failures. It took me a long time, and I had many, many previous failures, but I got there in the end. And once I really got there, I stayed there.
Some people find it easy and fast to quit, and others have to try for a long time over many years. If you have tried and failed before, don't worry about that. Just keep on trying. Try out different ideas and different ways of quitting. If you keep doing this, eventually something will work. Different methods work for different people.
This page shows some of the things I did, which worked for me.
How I Quit Drinking
I've thought of, and tried, a lot of different things. Some worked a lot better than others. Like with smoking cigarettes, I used to joke that I'd quit so many times I was obviously very good at it by now. But I didn't give up trying to quit. And eventually, I did. That was several years ago, and now I basically never crave alcohol at all. In fact it's the complete opposite. I'm so grateful and so happy to be able to enjoy thinking about how I can live free of all that.
This is a new page, the rest of it is coming soon... (I'm working on this page today and it's currently in draft form.)
The Key Thought that Helps Me to Stay Stopped
There's a huge number of thoughts, ideas, information, and reasons, and motivations that I've amassed over the years about quitting drinking, and how to stay quit. But one thought stands above them all for me. I think it works so well because it directly contradicts the idea that drinking makes me feel better in the short-term, and then worse in the long-term.
The idea is just to think about certain super-happy memories I had before I was ever a drinker. And, when I do this properly, and compare them to my memories of times when I was drunk, and really enjoying being drink — I felt better, more real, and more happy when I was sober, before I was ever a drinker, than I ever even once did when I was drunk.
That is really a big idea, if you think about it. Since the whole mechanism of addiction relies on the misconception that the addictive thing is something you really enjoy. You know it's bad for you in the long term. You know that its overall effects of it on your life, summed up over time, are a long way into the minus. But, you mistakenly think that in the short term, while indulging in the addictive thing (in the case of this web page, alcoholic drinking), that you feel really happy, and that the addictive thing is what you really enjoy.
When you take that idea away (by realising that it's legitimately false), there's really no significant reason left to keep on being a problem drinker.
When you can get to the place where you can realise that life was much better, and much more enjoyable — not just overall, but in the highs, the best moments of all — without drinking — than it ever was after you became a drinker and even during those supposed "best" experiences you had while you were drinking to your heart's "content"..... That, for me, is the biggest single thought that helps me, the most out of everything I've thought about and experienced, to never crave alcohol anymore.
In order to first discover this idea, I thought a lot about certain experiences before I became a regular/problem drinker — the best, happiest ones I could think of. And I thought about the times when I was drunk — what it was actually like at the times when I was enjoying it the most. Since there were times when I really did enjoy being drunk. But I realised that my best pre-alcohol, sober-and-always-had-been-sober memories were legitimately much better, more enjoyable, and I was more happy then than I ever was even once while I was drinking.
An idea which goes along with this, and helped with learning/discovering it's truth, was thinking about how, in the memories of being drunk, when it was good and when I was enjoying it, there was still a kind of fake-ness to the experience. A lack of real-ness. It's hard to fully explain it. I guess it's completely logical though, when you consider that being drunk shuts down large parts of your brain. So even just going by basic medical science, I was literally not fully conscious and not fully alive during any of the times I was drunk.
Also, once I started to drink regularly (which was at the start of year 12 of high school, and continued and got worse over that year and for the next few years), the chemical effects of that on my body took away, in the short and medium-term (and even, unfortunately, to some extent in the long-term), some of the natural healthy chemical makeup of a healthy properly functioning brain (like with all its neurotransmitters and other medical parts working properly). So after I became a real problem drinker, it was no longer possible for me to experience those fully happy feelings that I did occasionally have, in the best moments of my life before I was ever a drinker.
But, in summary, after some thought, I did realise that, truly, the happiest experiences I had from not drinking were better than literally any of the happiest drunken experiences I had ever had as a drinker.
I think the shortest way to say this is that the key to the whole thing was realising that I actually enjoy not drinking more than I enjoy drinking.
Because alcoholism is largely a mind-trick, and the mind trick affects the way you remember and value certain experiences (like drunken ones) over others, while it makes you chemically crave them, it took me a while to sort this out in my mind and to fully realise its truth.
The more I thought about this, the easier it was for me to not feel like drinking anymore.
Living With an Elderly Alcoholic
Another thing that massively, massively helped me to not crave alcohol has been the experience of living with an elderly alcoholic.
When you're a young person in modern society, you're presented with all the usual ideas and images of drinking that are promoted to young people as being exciting, happy, and fun. Going out partying and all that. Seeing it in the media, and hearing others (like at school perhaps, or at work) talk about it as fun and exciting.
Those images, and experiences, are a whole literal entire universe — like on the complete opposite side of the cosmos — away from the day-to-day existence (even just to use the word "life" to refer to their life seems like it's not quite right) of an 80-year old long-term alcoholic. That is something the TV ads don't usually show you. It's not something I remember being talked about much in the playground at school either. Or on any of the big drinking nights I went on after I became a big drinker myself.
When you think about parting and clubs and pubs and gigs and drinking friends (and perhaps sex and picking up), and all the other fun things, you don't think anything about where it all ultimately leads to. Seeing that really does change forever the way you think about getting drunk. At least it did for me.
Seeing the sights, hearing the sounds, smelling the smells... The absolute, utter, hopelessness and misery. The lack of mobility. The falls. The ongoing physical issues that develop, that I don't remember the music videos I watched when I was fifteen explained much about. The adult-onset diabetes. The osteoporosis. The fecal incontinence. And just like never, even once, even when you're drinking, actually feeling properly alive or properly happy. It really, truly is a horrible life. And something that anyone with a drinking problem would, I think, do well to consider a lot, and to to anything they can to avoid ending up like that themselves.
If you already are an elderly alcoholic, of course it's not too late to stop. If you're even reading this web page at all that must be a very positive thing. The longer you stop, the easier it gets to stay stopped. And the better you feel. I think that the "Key Thought" in the section above this one would still work quite well, once you think about it enough to realise it's true. Drinking doesn't make you happy. Not even in the short-term. Almost all of the other ideas I had, and things I did, to help me stop, and which worked 100% completely (I no longer ever crave alcohol now) should also apply just as well.
Living with an elderly alcoholic isn't possible for everyone (not everyone has an elderly alcoholic they could live with, or live very close to). But something that I think would work almost as well, perhaps as well even, would be to work with elderly alcoholics. This could be voluntary work, or if you find it really helps you, and is a satisfying experience, it's something you could consider making into a career.
When I was a teenager I read a book by a psychiatrist called "Games People Play", and another by the same author which I forget the name of (Eric Berne I think, I'll look this up later, it was a long time ago). The book explained many of the key big issues of life as if they were "games". The games had different names, different motivations/goals, and there were particular players and roles within each game.
In the game of "Alcoholic" there were five players (as I remember it, it was literally decades ago I read it, I will look it up later and confirm and/or correct what I say here). One of the players was the alcoholic. One was the supporter, like a spouse or a drinking friend perhaps (?). One was the supplier, like the bartender or person at the bottle shop. And one was the "rescuer".
The thing I remember the most about all of this is that the it very clearly made me think that it's much, much easier for people to stay in the same game, but change roles (from one type of player to another), than it is for someone to leave the game completely.
I looked at life in a different way after reading that, as I could see that it was clearly true in many respects.
So in the example of this web page (how to quit problem drinking), it's much easier (at least for many people, you'd have to try it yourself to see how true it is for you) to change roles, to be a "rescuer" or helper of other alcoholics, than it is to quit the "game of alcoholic" completely.
The way I think of it, even my writing of this web page, right this very minute, is an example of me doing exactly that. And the same thing applies to the Adult sealed Section of this website.
Alcohol and the Bible
discuss this and how wine was diluted like the way we would make up a glass of cordial now. and that they didn't have chlorine or any other way to disinfect their water. quote verse about timothy and have a little wine for his stomach
Christian Books About Alcoholism
I found these hard to find. I didn't really need them for myself, since by the time I was a Christian I'd almost entirely given up drinking. And after not that much longer, I did entirely give up. But I was looking for them on behalf of someone else.
There were four that I found, and bought. I think some (perhaps even all) of them were out of print, unfortunately. I ordered them online. Like from Amazon, and perhaps other places, I think some were second hand, and some were "new old stock".
Of the four, one is missing in action (though I should be able to go back over my emails and purchase history and find what it's called). I have the other three (I borrowed them back from the person I bought them for). I'll do a quick review of them eventually.
The three that I have here now are God is For the Alcoholic by Jerry Dunn (with Bernard Palmer), Sober Mercies: A Memoir: How Love Caught Up With a Christian Drunk by Heather Kopp, and The Heart of Addiction: A Biblical Perspective by Mark E. Shaw. The first one (God is For the Alcoholic) is probably the most well known and the best, but I don't know for sure, and they are all very different to each other. So you could get all of them and not be reading the same thing over and over.
The Easy Way to Stop Drinking
The book that helped me the most to quit drinking alcohol was "The Easy Way to Stop Drinking" by Allan Carr. It's very similar to his book of almost the same title about how to stop smoking. Which is the one he's most well known for, and the thing that his method works the best for. Though it also works for other types of addictions, including drinking. The one about smoking helped me to stop smoking more than any other one thing I ever found — and that was another thing I massively struggled with for many years, and finally completely overcame.
I'll do a proper review of this soon also.
I'm sure non alcoholic wine (and other types of beverages) does have a legitimate place. And that they really do help some people to not drink "real" alcoholic drinks. And that there's nothing wrong with them in terms of health (any more than any other type of sugary soft drink, which is far, far better than alcoholic drinks).
But for me personally, I don't have a lot of interest. The way I've come to think about alcohol, it would be kind of like buying a box of "non-poisonous cyanide". Which was sold in a box that looked just like a real cyanide box (whatever that looks like — I'm sure they have them, like from chemical companies). And tasted just like real cyanide. But with the poison removed.
So you could enjoy consuming it, and pretend you were consuming real cyanide, but knowing that it wasn't really going to poison you.
Having said that, I'm sure that they do help some people a lot, and it might be something to try out.